This is more of a mental challenge for me, I know I don't write about all that I do, even though I should. Plenty of people can't get their heart to line up with the head and still accomplish great feats. Even though I should do something doesn't mean I will, I'll probably do what I need to instead. Like skating around Portland talking to every shop about making photos. Or budgeting mmmm. But then there is the desire, all I want to do is skate/ski/bike everywhere and take photos. So that brings me to something I can't get out of my mind, if someone is a let down, should they be one? Do they need to be one? or Do they want to be a let down?
Alright this weekend I got to hang with my good friends at Lost Bikes and shoot/hassle half the riders. The weekend started out dirty and turned into a dust storm.
I should be a let down, to let myself find a new stepping stone for which I can eventually make my way to the top of the Japanese Garden? I think the worst part is I want to be a let down. There are issues with that, resentment turns into depression, is the struggle worth it if someone else gets there faster? I'm too sad to keep a job, too poor to get help and I'm living in my car trying to amount to something. What the fuck.
That's harsh but I feel like a let down, I lost my job, lose photo jobs and I don't know what to do. I stay positive surprisingly, I just say this cause I need too.